Monday, January 30, 2006

shihui's fav quote


it's funny that out of so many cheem quotable quotes, this is still her favourite. and i'll put this down as a reminder: everything is alright in the end. if it's not alright, it's not the end.

moving on will hurt. like crazy. but it's something that must be done to regain sanity and the individuality i compromised. maybe i'm just selfish. so sue me.

i am going to ache like mad either tml or the day after. but feeling bad has never felt so good. i should exercise more and not do that once in a while.

pain. ache. throb. twinge. sting. stab. pang. irritation.

yup! you did it again.

songs only take away that wee bit of pain.
positive thinking only makes me (try to) convince myself that the ache is temporary.
hate the throb.
twinge, please go away.
tears, stop stinging my eyes.
at this moment, physical stabbings seem much better.
willing the pang to disappear soon.
irritation - with myself cos i kinda asked for it.

something out of point: i become much more articulate when in trauma. or at least my entries sounds more impressive. ok... thinking such a thing is weird.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

it's about


it's about having decent conversations with people you live with everyday but seldom really talk to.
it's about realising who are the people who means most to you in this world.
it's about reliving traditions.
it's about repeating answers to the same questions year after year (yes... i've completed my o levels years ago. yes... i'm so tall now although the last time i grew vertically was 5 years ago.)
it's about the food (and everyone keeps telling me that i put on weight. yes... i get it already but i'm not terribly insecure about it cos i have better things to worry about and i do agree with them.)
it's about the extra cash :P
it's about getting away with things that you dont usually get away with.
it's about never growing up in the eyes of your parents and grandparents.
it's about family getting together.

that's why although there is something lacking in terms of the whole atmosphere, i still love chinese new year.

Friday, January 27, 2006

overhyped


things in this world are so overhyped. a lot of people will be shocked though. the irony.
funny how the situation became worse when i chose not to argue. and seldom would i make that choice. but whatever, we're so over that now.

i'm extremely lucid with regard to every decision i've made concerning it. and i know that i'm never going to throw away my future for it. personally, that's enough for me to continue. but i still have yet to figure out how to explain things to mum and dad. gah! lying can be rather tiring.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

security measures


i admit i'm skeptical of the security measures employed by schools nowadays. afterall, with the size of my dear country, one small bomb at a nicely conceptualised location will be enough to cripple the whole nation. i always feel irritated with the fact that i have to go through so many needless (from my pov) procedures when i want to walk into my alma maters. i was refused entry at a particular gate because i was not in school uniform. erm, which part of EX-student do they not understand?

this brings me to another incident. some time back, the security guard was stubbornly insistent on the fact that i could not enter the school cos i wasnt in proper footwear (was in slippers). that very incident caused me to make a promise to myself - in all future instances when i am refused entry to a place cos of improper footwear, i will remove whatever footwear i have there and then and go in BAREFOOTED. so there.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

sign




this is absolute plagarism from mr shiao. hahas... but it's so cute!

little surprises, major happiness


hahas... i feel so pathetic that i'm feeling damn happy thanks to one cancelled lesson next week. which makes my official number of days in school next week ZERO. lalala.

when things seem too much to bear, silver linings will pop out from the most unexpected places. thank you - whoever and whatever they are.

maybe i'm easily contented. happiess has never been elusive for me, not for long anyway. how typically childish, how typically me. am just a lucky girl in so many ways :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

my sentiments


"There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time." -Coco Chanel-

my sentiments exactly. i need 48 hours a day!!

btw, the forbidden fruit really tastes much sweeter.
had a fun time tapping into the wireless network of others. illegally.
the higher up the education level you go, the more you wonder about why is it that you learn certain thing you learn - like how to write a letter of apology without admitting that you made a mistake. it's like being given the go ahead to lie.

Monday, January 23, 2006

promise to myself


i will pay attention in class when pigs fly and the blue moon occurs. i promise.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

tsk.. people nowadays


i need to come up with a list of my approved notions of PDA. honestly, people should try to keep their passions at bay. the two of them may be really into each other but they have no right in subjecting the general population to their proclaims of adoration for each other. i, for one, have no interest in knowing. small doses are fine. but things are getting out of hand in school.

i refuse to only look straight. for goodness sake, with my history of clumsiness, forcing my face in one direction (so as not to see anything i shouldnt) is definitely going to result in me tripping over something. the concept of windows doesnt seem to register in these people's brains. which is why i have concluded that the alphabet should be taught backwards; "z is for zebra, y is for yatch, w is for window..."

so twentysomethings have no reason to engage in hankypanky in front of 'an opening in the wall of a room that is fitted with transparent material in a frame to admit light or air and allow people to see out/in'. cos with the alphabet being taught backwards, they are taught the definition of windows in preschool.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

from the grey matter and the pumping organ


reasons why i will never get attached in the SR:
if i'm bored or lonely or both, i have my fantastic family and amazing friends.
if i need my dosage of hugs, kisses and reassurance, i know whom to get them from.
yay! i'm basically set for life! haha :)

i would never have expected that certain things turn out the way they are; not in a million, billion, zillion years. human beings are funny creatures: we are often so blind to truths that have been staring at our faces all along. but i'm touched. and happy.

something from school


doing things right vs doing the right things
implement vision vs create vision
set up structure vs establish direction
monitor and control vs motivate and inspire
prefer stability vs accept changes
focus on short term and tasks vs focus on long term and people
management vs leadership

sometimes i do see the merits of going through weird courses in school. i mean taking one semester worth of teambuilding sounds kinda lame but i do learn a lot from it (and the best part is that lessons seem to be orientation week after week). if only there wasnt the draining and time consuming community service project.

drop of a hat


people should JUST STOP ASSUMING that i'm available at a moment's notice. i happen to have responsibilites towards more than one person or thing. and i end up seeming irresponsible to one particular group when i give that up for another. but hello! how am i supposed to plan when there's no notice given before hand?

Saturday, January 14, 2006

stupidity


i'm not much of a tech junkie to begin with.
and i just realised that my computer is too smart for me.
which means i'm under utilising it.
but whatever.
i still love it.

honestly, i think i'm losing my capacity to think, blog and write intellectually.

Friday, January 13, 2006

not funny


shit! it's still bleeding after three freaking hours and the pain hasnt set in yet. i cant imagine when effects of the anaesthetic subsides.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

rock my socks


i LOVE the location of my sch. cos it allows me to go down to ikea to run errands at a leisurely pace and still get back with time to spare before the next lesson :) so i ought to kill myself if i still cant find enough time to do the things i have to do. which just goes to show that i have zero time management ability.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

the art of deception


maybe i really am manipulative. because i managed to get away with doing what i want to do without getting into much trouble. it's an art actually; to fake people into believing that something is the truth even while they stare at a completely different thing. not that the real truth is all that bad but the fake truth is so much easier to swallow. that, i guess, is the difference between me and bro. i pretty much outgrew the stage of needing to establish my personality among friends. and was never one who went with the flow completely. so parents are not so worried that i'll screw up my life. moreover, i made bloody hell sure that i get decent grades no matter what i'm doing outside academia. honestly, i think i've managed to escape primarily due to that. i know i'm capable of much better but since nothing is too shabby, they cant really say much. so if bro wanna get away with things, he'd better do well in studies. i do get that different people have different abilities but he's a smart kid. he'll just have to get over the nagging and scolding part.

optimism and stubborness play very important parts. which is why the more nags i get, the more i want to do well instead of otherwise. if only to prove that: ha! i defy all your previously held notions and YOU're wrong! and the desire to win. i'm not obsessed with winning but if i need to fight to death just to prove that i've won, i'll do it. (sounds weird, but whatever.) i know that i'm not really leading MY own life because i have expectations to fulfil and all. but i'll try to achieve as much as i want while living it. even if it includes deception.

i'd never want to manipulate the feelings of others. but we're all guilty of it to some extent daily anyway. i have this secret desire to be able to hear the thoughts of people around me. what a cool ability to have and then i can better deceive. hahas... my point of view now is to continue to manipulate to get the little things without briing much harm to anyone. but still aim to treat the people i love with with sincerity. deception and respect. i'm just full of contradictions.

to ponder


You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all?

so very often, we lose sight of what is really important.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

stop saying 'hello' when you mean to say 'excuse me'. IT'S DOWNRIGHT RUDE.
funny how people from the most educated to the most ignorant have the same bad habit.
i admit to being anal about the issue but i dont care!!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

oh crap


(1) my house is too freaking hell connected that i'm not going to able to pretend that i cant be found or information doesnt reach me. damn!!!

(2) am spending WAY beyond my budgeted amount and time on certain things. why is it that all the good ideas (or so i think) dont seem so good after all when i actually start embarking on them?

(3) i've lost my voice. completely.
my wonderfully exciting life.

it's strange that although it was the first time i went there, it felt as though it was some sorta homecoming with the number of familiar faces i see. i still dont regret my choice because i cant sit through multiple two-hour sessions hearing someone talk to him/herself. but it would have been nice if i enjoy that type of familiarity in my own school. and a BIG THANKS to jac and jiehui for being my tour guides and planning my itenary :)

Friday, January 06, 2006

cellular


All at once he understood that they were linked to each other in a way that they would never share with anyone else. That even though they would lead very different lives in very separate ways, what they were to each other was something no one else could ever match.

after ploughing through the first eight chapters or so, the pace finally picked up. the storyline was nothing incredible but it's still an ok book to read for fun.


you fundamentally altered who i was to make me who i am.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

keep on movin'


[5ive]
I woke up today with this feeling,
That better things are coming my way,
I bet the sunshine has a meaning,
And till nothing's gonna get in my way,

When the rainy days are dying,
Gotta keep on, keep on trying,
All the bees and birds are flying;
Never get go gotta hold on and
Non stop till the break of dawn and
Keep moving, don't stop rocking

Get on up, when you're down, baby
Take a good look around, I know it's not much,
But it's ok, Keep on moving on anyway.

Feels like I should be screaming
Trying to get it through to my friends
Sometimes it feels that life has no meaning
But I know things'll be alright in the end

carpe diem


while changes are inevitable, i feel sad that things have to change. i cant help but miss the people and experiences i'm leaving behind. i've mentioned before that i can make friends with relative ease, but i'm a terrible friend-keeper. and many of us are just situation friends i.e. we're friends because we share similar experiences.

nevertheless, the memories will be held.
definitely seize the day.
do what i have to (hey! i cant totally run away from responsibilites) and wanna do.
say how i feel.
love who i adore.
simply be impulsive.

i do know that letting go is someday inevitable. but for now (and hopefully a long long time to come), i'll still believe that impossible is nothing and faith is everything. i'll still go around doing and saying things i momentarily regret but ultimately glad that i did and/or say them. i'll still go around not doing anything constructive cos it's something i love doing (the irony). because tomorrow will never be the same.

so despite having to, i'll leave growing up to another time :)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

people do change


it was highlighted in class today that in the presence of good communication, one anecdotal example or a particular experience can be sufficient to change our values. sounds unbelieveable but it's true. cos it happened to me.

nice to have things mentioned by people around you that resonates with your life; but a tiny bit sad that you cant actually tell anyone. winning some, losing some.

Monday, January 02, 2006

surprisingly accurate


i'm not so naive as to believe horoscopes completely. but what is predicted for this day is shockingly accurate.

"Eccentric, erratic and highly impulsive. Volatile. Those adjectives, along with anything else that describes spontaneity and uncontrollability, are on a list of traits that perfectly describe you now. You're not entirely unhappy about the situation, either. In fact, you're loving it -- every single second. You are a tad worried that your loved ones won't be quite so tickled about this radical new you -- more radical, that is. Of course, there are always bribes, which have been known to work like a charm."

especially the bribing part cos i was telling someone about how manipulative i can be if i choose to. scary..

the past two days have been too action-packed in my attempt to salvage whatever that is left of this dec hols. drats! it's not even dec already. how i wish sch is not starting. fantasizing fantasizing. "at least you had fun." yarh... but it doesnt mean that i want this fun to end. -whines-

happy new year people!