the art of deception
maybe i really am manipulative. because i managed to get away with doing what i want to do without getting into much trouble. it's an art actually; to fake people into believing that something is the truth even while they stare at a completely different thing. not that the real truth is all that bad but the fake truth is so much easier to swallow. that, i guess, is the difference between me and bro. i pretty much outgrew the stage of needing to establish my personality among friends. and was never one who went with the flow completely. so parents are not so worried that i'll screw up my life. moreover, i made bloody hell sure that i get decent grades no matter what i'm doing outside academia. honestly, i think i've managed to escape primarily due to that. i know i'm capable of much better but since nothing is too shabby, they cant really say much. so if bro wanna get away with things, he'd better do well in studies. i do get that different people have different abilities but he's a smart kid. he'll just have to get over the nagging and scolding part.
optimism and stubborness play very important parts. which is why the more nags i get, the more i want to do well instead of otherwise. if only to prove that: ha! i defy all your previously held notions and YOU're wrong! and the desire to win. i'm not obsessed with winning but if i need to fight to death just to prove that i've won, i'll do it. (sounds weird, but whatever.) i know that i'm not really leading MY own life because i have expectations to fulfil and all. but i'll try to achieve as much as i want while living it. even if it includes deception.
i'd never want to manipulate the feelings of others. but we're all guilty of it to some extent daily anyway. i have this secret desire to be able to hear the thoughts of people around me. what a cool ability to have and then i can better deceive. hahas... my point of view now is to continue to manipulate to get the little things without briing much harm to anyone. but still aim to treat the people i love with with sincerity. deception and respect. i'm just full of contradictions.
jacq | 11:24:00 AM
...............
...............