"Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I just wanna say thank you"
resent resent resent. i should totally focus on FA. but bouts of jealousy are creeping into and corrupting my brain. gah! actually, i'm not really TOO affected by it. after all, there are certain things are frozen in time and cannot be relived or retold. not encapsulated in their entireties anw.
on one hand, i know in certainty what i'm getting myself into. on the other, i think i'm quite an idiot for putting myself in this situation. i'd like to think that i'm the one who is clearer headed. cos i'm the one who knows but whom others dont know about. at the end of the day, i just want to win. even if winning means nothing cos i'm just a sucker for winning. although it is pretty sick to think of this whole issue as a game.
i'll be lying through my teeth if i said that i dont enjoyed all the attention being lavished upon. but i'm still getting the shorter end of the stick. anyhows, i hope whatever conflict i'm feeling will come back and bite; one day in the future. why should i be the one always in confusion? i get even. eventually.
i've gotten and is still getting a lot out of it. the weighing scale is tipped towards more good than bad. it's all about looking at things in context. at this point in time, as there is no other special person in my life, the feeling of being lost is qt overwhelming. however, i have no doubt that one day in the future, some special person will walk into my life and the line that i have never ever drawn will have to be chalked. till then, i'll try not to be too affected by irrelevant stuff and concentrate on here and now.
like FA.
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