nonchalant
after one year of romantism, i've decided to wake up. that somethings will never be more than what they are. compromising has made me a lesser person than who i really am. i've learnt that i am capable of being vulnerable. but letting a person into your life to walk all over you is plainly a dumb thing to do. i'm glad that i've decided to screw everything else and be crazy. but i'm not going to let anyone screw around with me. i'm not that kinda person to harbour hopes on being given the things i deserve. hell, i'm going to fight and get what i deserve. losing is not an option. unless i choose to lose.
after one year of romantism, i've decided to wake up. that my best doesnt mean anything and that i'll never be on par with all the smart asses out there. that i have to leave with whatever effort (or lack thereof) i've put in. that this is the choice i fought so hard for so i refuse to let it burn me. that it was naive to continue to be naive in the first place. that believing in people seeing past the perfect 'A's to be the final goal is stupid. it's singapore we are talking about.
it is difficult to not be drawn into the hell hole. it's my $26k (and so much more misc costs) at stake. it's the 'why is everyone doing well but you're lagging behind' that i will have to contend with. you cant put a measure to every single thing but ridiculous people like you and me do it anw. since i cant change the world i'm in, i just have to find something in me to deviate from the norm or the courage to continue and put up with all the nonsense being thrown at me.
maybe more cynical. but definitely more nonchalant. caring too much about anything hurts. not caring at all is not who i am. so while things sort themselves out (when you leave things alone long enough, they eventually do), i will remain nonchalant. moreover, this is going to be a hectic sem with authorities believing that we are super humans who can freeze time. what is new?
life sucks. but it still goes on.
jacq | 10:42:00 PM
...............
...............