meander
for most days, i meander through my life not sure what the heck i'm doing and why the heck i'm doing. occasionally, i seek the temporary high by doing something out of the ordinary. increasingly, these temporal highs are no longer satisfying. and i am utterly sick of life. i look around me and realise that there is nothing missing. yet i feel strangely unfulfilled. so i dig deeper in an attempt to find something. anything. and found nothing. i hate having to deal with disappointments but i know i'll bounce back and move on. cos while i dont see where i'm going, i wont disappoint my family.
it hurts - to be reaching out all along only to realise that it has been out of reach all these while. but i refuse to wallow in self-pity. and aim not to build too many defenses around myself. i will laugh, at the ironies of situations, at pain, at hurt, at myself. because it is finally time for bubbles to burst and illusions to shatter. to look long and hard at this world and realise nothing really matters anyway.
"Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn"
jacq | 1:10:00 AM
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