Tuesday, December 26, 2006

good riddance


[green day]

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So, make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable but, in the end, is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So, take the photographs and still-frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable but, in the end, is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable but, in the end, is right
I hope you had the time of your life"

Monday, December 25, 2006

thanks to my wonderful time management skills, 9 fortunate souls (excluding famliy members) got their cards hand-delivered before this very day. as for the rest of my world, you all will be receiving through good old snail mail. late.

3 hours, 31 cards, a semi deformed right hand later, i realised that i have 40% more to go.

but it is more than that.

it's about meeting up at a friend's place and eating nonstop. it's about having to fix up the tv so that we can watch vcd with both sounds and images. it's about being glued to love actually. it's about trying to figure out how to do gift exchange when one bought something for everyone. it's about waiting for all to turn up. it's about the crazy photo whoring session. it's about forcing everyone to have at least a bite of the log cake. it's about saying goodbye knowing that the friendships never change. it's about trying to keep each other awake. it's about discussing the future. it's about being happy and proud for those who are doing well and truly understanding those who are doing not so well. it's about talking until we fall asleep. it's about sleeping for 10 whole hours in a sleepover :p it's about waking up in a mess but not really having to care. it's about planning for our next gathering before the current one is over.

it's about receiving season's greetings from my ex-bosses one after another. it's about going home to parents who trust me to go home evntually. it's about having unfinishable food with relatives. it's about noisy household which probably disturbed the whole neighbourhood. it's about riding home with dad and knowing that i'll always be his little girl. it's about realising that missed romantic opportunities remained very close friends which i will keep for life. it's about the backtoback watching of tv. it's about having to tune the volume up cos parents are enjoying their tv in another room. it's about knowing nothing in my house will change. it's about walking up and down the buffet line so that grandparents can have their food brought to them. it's about being semi-embarrassed regarding all the noise famly is making but decided to enjoiy and not give a damn.

it's about remembering all the people who have been part of my life, who are still part of my life; all of whom i hold very near to my heart. it's about counting the haves and blessings and giving some of them away.


merry christmas.

forgo




for thou i shalt forgo my beauty sleep.
i'm damn addicted now.

and he's so not going to get his dvds back :p

Saturday, December 23, 2006

my trooper and my roxy girl


being territorial does not mean actual possession.
behaving as if things are perfect does not lead to manifestation of the ideal.
hidden from view and apparent in sight.
subtle sacrifices being made.
still very much the same.

"but fruit juice without ice is more expensive..." on trying to figure out why cold drinks are more costly than hot ones.
only three food stops in 8 hours shows that we are getting older :D
many classic moments that can only be felt.
shopping with a big 4 accountant/consultant/big shot to be is an adventure itself.
and somewhat dangerous cos i always go home with some purchase.

two of the loves of my life.
time flies.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

el tango de roxanne


"His eyes upon your face
His hand upon your hand
His lips caress your skin
It's more than I can stand

Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight
You're free to leave me
But just don't deceive me
And please believe me
When I say, I love you"

i am way too aware. fortunately AND unfortunately.
so i get the shorter stick, have to grin and bear it and am forsaken.
yet there is no more pretending to be strong since the wall of resistence has been built.
knowledge is power.
one day, i WILL bite back.

bus rides of epiphanies


freak. frack. FUCK.
we absolutely forgot about the time in between approval to final publication.
which means i have to get things done ideally before chirstmas.
but who the hell other than the crazy people in my school read and process emails during the christmas period in the first place?
dammit!

i hate deadlines which are unforgivingly short. worse still, meeting them depends more than my efforts.

when stuff officially becomes responsibilities, they are no longer fun.

and after voluneteering (more like being volunteered) my legs, we still need a video editor. great.

i proclaim officially that bizcomm is a life and soul sucking entity filled with slavedriving and/or overachieving (but some will call it dedicated) people.

bus rides of epiphanies and myself share a love-hate relationship.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

one


one painful paragraph to write before the sponsorship comm comes after me.
Battlestar Galactica is one fracking awesome series.
one fantastic aunt who makes travelling with her a breeze. always.
the number of days i have to finish writing all 50 christmas cards.

one girl who is doing far too many things.

the theory to doing well


one of my closest guy friends and a social science student (no less) has the following advice to me on taking the first step towards better grades: stop wearing short skirts.

because if i can stop being conscious (which i'm not) in order to maintain decency, that 0.01% of brain power can be channelled towards more constructive stuff like doing better in school. he has this incredible ability to link every conversation topic to the length of my skirt and ultimately, encouragement for more conservative dressing. we both decided that it was amazing that we became friends in the first place, being polar opposite in terms of character.

daddy, this is for you!

and freak. i havent gotten the opportunity to stayover, shop, feast, move around in style and basically freeload off my aunt yet. i'm going into the second last week of hols alr. WHERE DID ALL THE TIME GO?!?!

the juxtaposition of structured and unstructured groups i'm working for is incredibly stark. and some people just should not chair meetings as they are unable to keep the discussion on track or lasso in people who went off. for their focused nature (some call it lack of welfare), hiong-ness and relentless drive, i'm glad that i'm working under my wonderful biatches.

and for the last time, i did not get distinction for comms. just happens that i'm bloody anal over phrasing and sounding more professional than we actually are.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

workaholic


i think it is genetics. seeing how mum is one.
and this is supposed to be the very last holiday of which i can play. bah!

last sat - walkabout
mon - premier
tue - press event
wed - biz comm retreat/discussion of bazaar
thurs - d&d involving pirates characters
this sat - walkabout
coming mon - CTG training, (tentative) meeting for entire bazaar planning comm
tue - meeting for marketing dept
wed - i hope to be left alone
thurs - cathay event at JB

for the last 7 days, i met a grand total of ONE person for pure hanging out basis which lasted a grand total of TWO hours. pttf! anyways, i should never accumulate emails that require my follow up. i'd better get back to reading meetings agenda and editing proposal before ms vice president comes after me.

i have done zero christmas shopping and i have nothing to wear to hk. great.


people are asking for it when they give me crappy attitude. especially when i'm tired but still make an effort of being nice and polite. screw me and be assured of getting screwed back. wrath comes oh so naturally.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

since fate brought us together, faith would keep us together.

for all the people i love.
and especially for the one who wants me to understand and being more than a friend.

Friday, December 15, 2006

shadows

[with negative] the slightest trace of something

how weird they are.
following silently.
existing noiselessly.
before you realise it, they hang over you and you cant shake them off.
and you tell yourself to step out of them for you are aware of their detrimental effects should they be around long enough.
yet they remain; not enough to destroy you, just enough to cause major irritations and headaches.

i am not miserable where i am. nevertheless, i can definitely do without these shadows.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

fast


yikes! i'm halfway through the hols and i havent done a quarter of the things i set out to do. i need more me time!

got my very first B. yay! this shows what low standards i set for myself and my sliding GPA.

gazillion (and i exaggerate) people have been asking about my marital status in the past couple of days. the funny thing is they are mostly in disbelief whether i tell the truth or not. one part irritating, three parts amusing.

i ought to appreciate the trust my colleague have in me. but somehow i feel like i'm being thrown into the deep end. looks like i'd be doing a lot of convincing, confusing and mostly conning. :p the art of pretending to know.

interestingly, i have this amazing ability to be engaged in politics that doesnt concern myself. it's fascinating to find out how some people think that they are doing a lot while others feel that these some people are full of bs. then there's all the bad-mouthing and bitching. obviously, the people who do that are ignorant of my background. the things i find out when i dont partake in any obvious alliances. being in a testosterone dominated environment require a different sort of reactive mechanism on my part which i have yet to properly figure out. so far, everyone's nice to me cos i have not reached the point of needing to make them do stuff. and fundamentally, i'm far from being a threat to their ego trips. hopefully, this delicate balance would be maintained.

i miss my old friends. seems like forever since i caught up with them. bah!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

movies


eragon was tedious.
flags of our fathers made me cry.
happy feet has good animation.

i was in the mood for blogging on mon but blogger decided not to let me sign in. now, i'm just too goddamn tired to blog interestingly and in a way that i wont insult anyone. so i'm going to leave three sentences as my main post.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

for the first time in my life, i can officially say that i need to talk more.

i failed class participation! literally i.e. score below half the total mark; aka i am not being melodramatic.

there are things in life you dont expect to happen but they do anyway. oh wells.. at least i didnt suck all that much in the overall grade. only because i kinda got immuned to the fact that i would never do okay in school in the first place.

so now i am playing the guess which grades would kill me most game. how fun


***

one and half years. what it took to turn me into a bitch with agenda. life is not fair. so why bother playing fair? wait, i shall quantify that, i will only play fair if it gets me somewhere.

work hard to earn more money. study hard to gain better employment prospects. love in hope to be loved in return. care so as not to die lonely. face it, we are all manipulative assholes. it's a matter of having the balls to face the facts.

vindictive, acrimonious, malevolent.
changes occur in us without us realising.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

feet


the most cheaterbug way to get firm butts and nice thighs is to be in heels for 4 consecutive days, at least 8 hours each day with lotsa walking. fine, results are not showing yet but most parts of me from hips down are protesting. hmph! all for the sake of looking less sloppy.

my parents are the coolest! they hardly question who i hang out with or what i do. even if i dont come home and not tell them in advance (if at all). for the trust, for the love and for being there for me when i dont deserve all that they have given, i love them to bits!

stan chart's timing is slightly below an hour and half. pretty satisfactory considering i hardly trained for it :)

my new eye candy is damn adorable. and i have three more opportunities to stare (literally) at him!

Friday, December 08, 2006

moneyshagged


my most expensive meal was at swensen's and my most expensive purchase didnt hit $20.
however, meeting up to three groups of people a day is the fastest way to achieve moneyshag-ness.
especially with all the travelling.

yet finally managing to catch up is great!

some shows you watch, cause confusion and huh(s) throughout but you finally get the point in the end. other shows you watch, thinking that you know what is going on but cause you to go huh in the end. deja vu, unfortunately, belongs to the latter. somewhat plotless, open season is still funny. okays, sitting next to wongz is funnier cos she reacted to so many parts of the movie, in ways that only she can pull off :p will definitely remember the company for these two movies more than the movies themselves.

crap. i need a sugar daddy.

domicile


a mess.
forgotten, neglected, left behind.

still.
everything is exactly the way i remember them to be.
where my heart lies.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

quote unquote


"You see the world as it is, and you see the world as it could be. What you don't see is what everybody else sees. The giant gaping chasm in between."

hugh laurie as dr gregory house rocks.

Monday, December 04, 2006

guys important in my life are damn lucky to have me.
they exploit my loyalty and take my graciousness for granted.
fuck it.

xy chromosomes will cease to exist if i have my way.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

madness


i am rather insane. for wanting to squeeze meeting most of the people i know in one week. then again, that's the wonderful thing about being on holidays.

since the last day of my exam (which was yesterday evening), i have been to town, decided that we have nothing better to do and thus walked back to suntec, because of some ingenious plan went to vivo city for an errand and ended at serene centre, happening to see michelle saram.

that was yesterday.

after 4.5 hours of sleep, i had to fulfill a previously insane decision to run stanchart 10click without training (i walked a lot!) it was fun though and nice sense of accomplishment. plus i even have a medal to show for it. ha. then i amazingraced to fel's place so i'd look semi presentable before going to expo. was there for the whole day primarily trying to get out of people's way. also realising that i'd be single for the rest of my life unless i turn bi/les cos i became one of the boys too freaking quickly. yadda yadda... had dinner like at 10plus and here i am blogging.

in 12hours time, i am supposed to be somewhere near/in bp.

in that past 24 hours, i have been semi-assumed to be cohabitating with someone. and helped to re-dress a guy thus seeing more than i should of him when it was only our third time meeting. however things are damn innocent when taken into context. just that parents would be rather upset if they should know the above. oh wells.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

i was given a heartattack EVERY single time. just a few minutes ago, i was told that it was already 1315 when i'd be having my paper at 1400. when my one quarter awake brain was trying to register who's the other person on the line. (i have had extended phone conversation with people without knowing who they are. that, i agree, is mad.)

things clicked when the reason behind the wakeup call was said for irritating me early in the morning. i am far from being irritated. i, am in fact elated! i still cant believe that she is calling from five bus stops away. that it is almost a year since we saw each other. that we're going to have dates again (so many people are going to be appalled reading this :p)!

i was asked if i was on drugs 8 hours ago. well, this is the kinda drugs i want to be on. so what if it means i end up smiling foolishly about nothing in particular?

welcome back debbie!! you make the start of my holidays beau.ti.ful. :D

Friday, December 01, 2006

average


noun. lacking special distinction, rank, or status; commonly encountered.

it's funny. that is my aim and i cant even hit it. the manifestation of this post is indicative that i am not unaffected. just less so. after one and half years, i have finally been informed that there is no real system to speak of. firstly, it's difficult enough to figure out the system to beat. now with this information, i have no idea what to think anymore. i am learning never ever leaping before i look the hard way.

i want to be able to say i can divorce my recognition of self-worth from temporal grading. yet i cant. because when i see myself reaching that point, i would just quit. it is harsh to have to come to terms that normalcy is unattainable. or at least unattainable with the amount of efforts i see worthy of me putting in.

the most important factor is if i have any regrets? nope. life is too short for regrets.

seeing little insignificant me get creamed goes to prove that i have a LONG way ahead. i'd just have to learn to make concessions, compromises and believe that i will find my place someday somehow.


***

[update: 2320h]
this is amusing. i am once again embroiled in politics that i have nothing to do with. anyways, it goes to show inefficiency and poor environment for whistle blowing. they all seem to be trying to make use of this opportunity to consolidate power and kill each other. which is a rather sad thing considering the positions they are in. skirting around the issue is not going to accelerate problem-solving but until i'm asked officially, i shall watch people do even more ridiculous but pointless things.

find your name


dad/mum/bro for leaving me alone. gramps for all the food since forever. jo for random smses and never believing the truth before her eyes. karen (despite being mia-ed) for making me miss her. debs for coming back. chrissy for being back. wins for being my lover and my first official arranged date. cong for remembering the exact date to wish me luck. biao (damn over-achieving) for reminding that i should work harder. inez for her interesting blog posts. min for making me believe that hard work pays off and for being the hot girl that she is. pam and huan for making us all want to go to peru. fel for all her randomness. kb for wanting to send me for counselling but still loving me (i hope). xue for "why cant we just be average?!?!" and her morbidly funny comments. shan for always solving my half-immortal status. jac for the assumption that i read the things she posts. yiwei for being so sweet and never failing to make me laugh. nazhar for the pengajaran melayu and damn cryptic emails. tim for being around.

people who help jacq through her exam period deserve special mention! :D

i am fucking blessed. i just forgot to take stock of the little things.