get between
i have this amazing ability to get between and i guess i could take it as a compliment. in some sorta warped, psychotic way, it is indeed quite flattering. but really, it is a bad record to start. i am not going to live with that. and it's not because i'm hugely magnanimous or that i dont believe in fighting. i just dont see the point or value.
despite all, what remains is respect. respect of them as friends. respect for the affection they have. sure, there will be a part of me hoping for reciprocation. if only life is so simple. someday in time as situations manifest, i will cry. part cos im sad that it is not me who has found the blissful start. more importantly, they will be tears of peace and gladness for the happiness rightfully deserved found.
which is why even if i can, i wont. perhaps this is all just an attempt to elevate myself up the morality high ground. perhaps for all my me-centric-ness, there is still a part that gives a damn about others even if i think they dont earn my generosity.
i doubt i'll ever be sweet, graceful or nice. i'll always be that inyourface bitch who refuses to keep her opinions to herself (unless it is to prevent wars or something of equivalent proportion) and remain very hard to live with. but it is these attributes that allow me to see people as they are. at their basest. no superficial facades, no polite niceties. just what is real. and i'd rather have that than live in perfect lies.
sidenote: i've been so caught up in my sad existence that i no longer blog semi-intellectual/humorous/sarcastic. bloody.
jacq | 10:14:00 AM
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